Email Friends and Pen Pals

One of the biggest characteristics of the expatriate experience, and particularly of the repeat expatriate experience, is the necessity of making friends over and over again. You move, you get used to where you are, you meet people you like, develop friendships, and get settled. Before you know it, however, it may be time to move again and you start the entire cycle all over. The first days, weeks, or even months in the new place often feel lonely and frustrating as you try to not only figure out life but also struggle with small or non-existent support network. What are some ways you can help yourself create that network and keep creating it as you go from country to country (or even if you stay where you are)?

First, look at the whole experience of having to make friends as an opportunity rather than a hurdle. You get to explore what’s out there. Your old friends are wonderful, of course, but if you have not moved you would have missed the ones you are going to meet. And you never know what awaits you in the future. You may meet someone who will inspire you to write a book, someone who you may partner with to develop a successful business, someone who is a great coffee companion, or … the list can go on and on. When you look at this experience as a possibility rather than a difficulty you have to overcome, it becomes a much easier process to start.

Second, manifest. We all manifest what we want although we sometimes don’t realize it. Start by writing down your concerns and fears about finding the support you need. That will help empty your mind of the limiting thoughts that may be blocking you moving forward. Then manifest who you want to meet by writing down what kind of friend(s) you are looking for. What do you want your new friend(s) to have? How do you want them to be? Let the universe know what you are looking for.

Third, spring into action. Now that the universe knows what you want, it’s time for you to do your part. And your part is what dependent on you - the actions you can take to get what you want. Go to every meeting, every get together, and every gathering you can. After all, you never know who you are going to meet there. Yes, it could turn out to be a complete waste of time but you would not know that if you didn’t go. Every meeting out there carries with it a new possibility.

Life is always offering us new beginnings, it’s up to us if we want to act on them or not. We can choose to stay by sidelines waiting for things to happen to us or we may choose to be active and seek out every opportunity. Only by experiencing new things you will know what resonates and what’s in harmony with who you are.

Margarita Gokun Silver is the Principal and the Founder of the Global Coach Center, a coaching firm that specializes in Executive and Life Coaching for expatriates, multinational managers, global leaders, and those involved in multicultural relationships, either at work or at home. Margarita provides individual and group coaching on overcoming challenges of working/living in a different culture and succeeding in the global marketplace. Margarita also delivers programs worldwide on global leadership through coaching; managing across cultures or cultural intelligence in leadership; personal branding for global success; and many others.

Margarita is a global nomad who was born in Russia, holds a US citizenship, and has been living in different countries for the past fifteen years. She is a graduate of the Coaches Training Institute, one of the premier coaching schools in the US. She also holds a Masters degree from Yale University. Margarita currently lives in St. Petersburg, Russia but has also lived in Buenos Aires, Washington DC, Moscow, New York, Rome, and Tashkent. For more information on Margarita and the Global Coach Center please visit http://www.GlobalCoachCenter.com

“Make new friends, keep the old. One is silver, the other is gold.”– adage

Research shows that the happiest and healthiest people are those who are well-connected to friends and family. But, in our mobile society, keeping friends is not always possible.First, consider what being a friend means to you. Who are your best friends? What qualities do they have? Once you have a clear idea of the kinds of friendships you would enjoy, you can decide to create more of them in your life. This can be done in two ways:

• Make changes in your current relationships ask your friends to participate in activities you enjoy, and spend more time with the friends whose style of friendship best complements your own.

• Create new friendships — Reach out to coworkers, your neighbors or church members and invite them to accompany you in a favorite activity or for coffee. As an alternative, you may want to join a discussion group focused on literature, film, or painting, or take a class in yoga, or cooking. If you spend time with people who have similar interests, you will soon create new friends.

If you find that you don’t have enough friends, here are some guidelines for making new ones. Of course, you can tailor these suggestions to your personal tastes.

1. Get a life. If you want to meet people with whom you have something in common, do things on a regular basis that involve others. Activities can range from taking classes, joining hobby clubs, volunteering, playing a sport or game, hiking, or any pursuit that meets regularly. The people you meet will share your interest, and you’ll have something to talk about and enjoy together.

2. Find interesting, fun people. Being involved in an ongoing activity, and meeting with the same people on a regular basis gives you a chance to get to know them before you decide to pursue a more personal relationship. When you find someone you think is particularly pleasant, spend a little time talking with him or her during or after your activity. Ask questions about the project you are working on, or share experiences and advice. If you both enjoy the conversation, goes well, you can offer to meet before or after the session for coffee. From there, you can begin do more things together, until you’ve established a pattern of friendship.

3. Don’t overlook people you know. While you’re making new friends, don’t forget the people you already know. Is there a favorite family member you’d like to see more often? Call him or her and suggest going for a walk, or to lunch. Are there acquaintances at work, at church, in your neighborhood, involved in your child’s ( or your own) school, or elsewhere with whom you could develop a friendship? Consider reaching out to them. Let these people know that you’d like to share events and activities.

Spending quality time with friends is beneficial to your emotional, mental and physical health. If you follow the above steps, you’ll find that it isn’t as difficult as you think to make friends.(Adapted from The Ten Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make After Forty (c)Tessina, 2001)